The Retired Cop

Case #34 - The People Vs Jeff Fleming (Got Milk Babes?)      As many of you know Jeff Fleming is a registered sex offender, or should be. It's been alleged that, in the early to mid '90's, Deputy Fleming would drive his new partners up to the area of 124th St. and Broadway.  This is just south of the area known as "south central" in Los Angeles.  At that location, Fleming would allegedly initiate a consensual encounter with a woman named Samantha Ross.   Samantha Ross looked like she might be in her 40's at the time, maybe older.  Black don't crack, so it was hard to tell.  She was attractive at any rate.  She was quite friendly with the deputies that patrolled her area and would flag us down to talk.  She could always be found walking around late at night in a fancy evening gown, with her hair and nails all done up.  She always looked like she was heading out to the, "red carpet", at the Academy Awards, or something. ...

Case #33 – re The People vs Barry Shapiro #1 (Barry no speakee Spanee)       And presented for the Court, is a case involving the station's favorite comedic duo. It was still daylight and Barry Shapiro and his partner, Gil Morales, were driving along in the Torrance Strip. Barry spotted some Mexican national ne’er-do-wells selling flowers in the center median without a license. Rest easy Gotham City, Barry Shapiro is 10-8. Barry used his big boy voice to order the Spanish speaking perps to cease and desist in their criminal undertaking. The felonious flower sellers smiled at him, nodded their heads and continued selling their three day old flowers. This really got Barry’s goat. If anybody was going to make a buck off of three day old flowers, it was gonna be Barry "Hey, I gotta great deal on pens" Shapiro! He leaned out of his car window and yelled at them again, “YO! Quit sellin’ da frickin flowas!” The two flower vendors smiled at him, nodded their heads, meekl...

Parannoya - when a person's irrational fears reach the point of irritating the shit out of you.      I knew my wife had issues with paranoia when she got pregnant the first time.  She doesn't have the kind of paranoia where she thinks visitors from outer space are trying to kidnap and probe her, and she doesn't think Bigfoot is peeking in the windows at her.  Although, she does believe aliens and Bigfoot exist, but that's just goofiness on her part, not paranoia.  Her paranoia revolves around criminal activity and medical issues. I guess, "safety", would be the umbrella issue.  Every cabinet was safety locked, every sharp corner protected and safety proof gates were installed at the top and bottom of the stairs, before our first child was born.  She wouldn't let our kids go into the front, or backyards by themselves until the oldest was about six.      Here's an example of what I mean by parannoya.  About a year ago, my wif...

Case #32 - re The People vs Will Pear #2 (Will Bartlett Fact #137- The round from an AK-47 does not kill people) The subject's name has been changed to protect his identity.  He claims to be in the Witness Protection Program      Sometime in the early 90’s, when drive-by shootings in the Carson patrol area were a nightly occurrence, one poor fellow suffered the unfortunate event of being 10-ringed by a round from an AK-47. Will Pear and Jeff Fleming had the call. When they arrived on scene the man with a bullet wound in his sternum was down, but still alive. Paramedics arrived and the victim was transported to the emergency room, because he was still "breathing", if a paramedic squeezing one of those bag things strapped to your face, while his partner does chest compressions, counts as breathing. The victim's family was hitting the speed dial for their usual mortician. Deputy Pear took the statements of the few witnesses who would speak to him, then told Fleming,...

Case #31 - The People vs That Deputy Who Resembles Cedric the Entertainer (whose White hand is that up my ass and why is it making me act this way?)      In this particular case, I have been advised to change the defendant's name, by some hobo looking guy that claims he was a deputy, but, as a child in Scotland, hoped to be a barrister when he grew up.  Unfortunately, his dad, "... moved the family to the Colonies...". I know, I know,  you're wondering why I'm taking legal advice from some hobo whose childhood dream was to work at a Starbucks in Scotland.  Well here's why.  He had crazy hobo eyes and I was afraid, that's why!  Okay?  I'm not ashamed to admit it.  So the defendant's name has been changed to, "That Deputy Who Resembles Cedric The Entertainer".  Deputy TD WRCTE for short. In 1990, I was partnered with Deputy Gerry Velona.  Gerry and I had been partners for several months  I really enjoyed working with...