Skip to main content

Case #7 - re The People vs Tim Alsky (You say ceviche, Tim says crappe)

Case #7 - re The People vs Tim Alsky (You say ceviche, Tim says crappe)

     At the 2004 Carson Station Christmas party, Tim Alsky was having a real good time.  He was being transferred to Aero Bureau soon and he thought this just might be the year that he finally got that coveted Deputy of the Year Award, that he had been sucking up so desperately for.  He was sure it was in the bag, especially after those little flyers that he had printed up, begging for votes.  In celebration of his impending victory, Tim decided to try the ceviche.  He’d never heard of ceviche before and didn’t know what it was, but what the hey, Timbo loves Mexican food and everyone was raving about it.  A few moments later, when his face swelled up, his eyes swelled shut and he was on the floor gasping for air like a fish on the pier, the paramedics were called.  The paramedics asked if Timmy had eaten anything unusual.
“Duh duh, dayveday”, Tim managed to gasp.
A puzzled look by the paramedics and,
“Just the ceviche.”, translated John Racz.
“Are you allergic to ceviche?” asked the paramedic.
“Dough.”, replied Tim
A puzzled look by the paramedics and,
“No.”, translated John Racz.
“Are you allergic to anything?”, asked the paramedic.
“Fit ad thitwuth.” Tim replied.
A puzzled look by the paramedics and,
“Fish and citrus.”, translated John Racz.
“Do you know what ceviche is?”, asked the paramedic.
“Dough.”, replied Tim
A puzzled look by the paramedics and,
“No.”, translated John Racz.
“It’s  fish marinated in citrus.”, replied the paramedic.
Tim’s eyes would have grown wide in shock, if they hadn’t been swollen shut.
“Diiiiiit.”, replied Tim
A puzzled look by the paramedics and,
“Shiiiiiit.”, translated John Racz.
"So, this guy's really a deputy?" the paramedic asked John.
"Unfortunately.", John replied.

     Tim ended up in the hospital for a few days, with his head so swollen it looked like Mike Tyson had mistaken it for a speed bag.  Oh some traffic guy, Tim Abrahams, got the Deputy Of  The Year Award, the first time anyone could think of that a traffic twit got that award. I’m not saying Abrahams is a member of the DNC, but it was one of the only times that a guy got that award who nobody admitted voting for.   But hey, look on the bright side Timmy, thanks to you, everyone said it was the best station party ever!

Verdict – Tim Alsky, this Court finds you Guilty of Pure Stupidity. 
Sentence – Life has punished you enough

Comments

  1. Jeff BoyceDecember 11, 2019 at 5:52 PM

    Funny, not funny.

    Not sorry!

    ReplyDelete
  2. William FarrellDecember 11, 2019 at 9:38 PM

    Yeah, that was a funny ass incident. I have a picture of him in the hospital that I'm going to add to this, if I ever find it

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Case #11- The LASD vs L.A.P.D. (playing cops and cops)

     In September 1987, the Carson patrol area known as, "Tortilla Flats", was suffering a rash of burglaries.  To combat this, Deputy Ray Gayton-Jacob and Al Harris, who were training officers at the time, came up with a burglary suppression plan.  On, about, Wednesday, September 14, 1987, Ray and his trainee would be dressed in full uniform, but in an unmarked, Chevy Malibu, detective car.  They would cruise the Tortilla Flats neighborhood looking for burglars.  Al and his trainee, would remain outside of the neighborhood in a regular patrol car.  If Ray and his partner saw something suspicious, they would keep an eye on it and call in Al and his trainee to check it out.      Things were quiet, until about 1:00 A.M..  Ray, and his trainee, had just finished jamming a hype at Torrance Boulevard and New Hampshire Avenue and had resumed their patrol.  Ray spotted a black and white patrol car coming slowly their way. ...
32 comments
Read more

The French Toast Connection

  The French Toast Connection        So, when we first got married, Michelle couldn't cook.  As a bachelor, I had survived on oatmeal, eggs, sandwiches, spaghetti, salad and canned soup and that was good enough for me. Michelle's cooking skills were on par with mine, except my eggs, sandwiches, spaghetti and salads were better. Michelle, however, wanted to improve her cooking skills so, every couple of months, she would try a new recipe on us. Sometimes it was good, sometimes it was okay, sometimes it didn't turn out so well.      One morning, when Logan was about three years old and Conner was about six, Michelle decided to give french toast a go for the first time. I like french toast, but the boys had never had it.  Michelle called us, saying breakfast was about ready.  We all sat down in our usual places.  Michelle next to me and the boys across from us.  Michelle put a slice of french toast on each of our plate...
5 comments
Read more

Case #46 - re The People vs Jeff Fleming again (Is someone missing a fat white guy?)

Case #46 - re The People vs Jeff Fleming again (Is someone missing a fat white guy?)      A bunch of us were helping Jeff and the rest of the Carson Narco crew out on a warrant service. Entry had been made and everything was Code-4, or so we thought. I was standing on the front porch of the target location when a neighbor lady came running up to me all out of breath, “Deputy! Deputy!” “Yes Ma’am?” “One of the people you’re looking for ran out the back!” “What!”, I said. I was surprised, because the house had been surrounded when entry was made and nobody reported seeing anyone run out. “Are you sure?” “Yes! He jumped the wall into my backyard and my rottweiler went after him.”      I got on the radio and advised units that we had an outstanding suspect. At this moment Jeff Fleming came walking out of the house and stood by us. he was sweating and somewhat out of breath. That didn't really surprise me. At the time, Jeff was frickin massive and jus...
26 comments
Read more