Case #23 re The People vs the D.A. #1 (ya gots ta articulate cho sef)
Judge Mountain was hearing a rape case. The Judge and victim were Black, the District Attorney was white. The D.A. was questioning the victim, trying to establish the elements of the crime of rape. Judge Mountain listened, with the right right side of his face propped against the palm of his right hand, and his left arm sprawled across his desk, tapping his gavel handle with his index finger.
“Miss Johnson, did the Defendant penetrate your vagina with his penis?”, the D.A. asked.
The victim's mouth dropped open slightly and she stared at the D.A. in silence for a couple of seconds, as if he were an alien life form,
“The Deewhaaat?”, she replied.
“Did the Defendant penetrate your vagina with his penis?”, the D.A. repeated, slowly enunciating his syllables.
(The judge slowly closed his eyes and exhaled)
the victim hesitated again, before replying,
“...Pene…whaaat?
The D.A. repeated his question. This time the D.A. slowly enunciated each syllable AND spaced the words out slightly.
“Did the Defendant penetrate your vagina with his penis?”
(The judge slowly shook his head slightly)
“... My ... my vawhaaat?
“Did the Defendant penetrate your vagina with his penis?”
(The judge looked up and rolled his eyes)
“...Huh? ... His peanuts? Wa choo talkin' 'bout his peanuts fo'?”
Judge Mountain leaned forward and interrupted the questioning,
“Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!”, the Judge rasped out, looking down and shaking his head in exasperation, before looking up at the D.A. and asking,
“Mistuh Distuct Attunee, do you mind if I rephrase the question fo' the guhl in orda ta move this heah heeun along?”
“Uhhh, why no your Honor.”, replied the surprised, but relieved D.A.
His Honor turned to the girl.
'Young lady, what da Man...", the judge turned and pointed at the D.A.,
“...,dat man right dare…”, the judge turned back to the girl, “…, is trying to ax you is,…” The Judge then pointed at the Defendant,
“... did dat man, dat man right over dare, in the orange jumpsuit, take and stick his dick in yo pussy?", The judge turned back to face the girl,
"Dat’s all da Man is trying to ax you.”, The judge leaned forward, crossed his hands on his desk and raised an eyebrow in expectation,
“Ohhhhh….”, the girl said slowly in understanding,
“Yeeeeah, he did that. He did that to me. Nasty ass muthafucka!”, the girl answered, staring directly at the defendant.
Judge Mountain leaned back, spun his chair to face the D.A. and scoffed,
“There! Now why couldn’t you jes' ask the girl like that? Instead of all that fooforall about penetrating her vagina with a penis?”
“Well your Honor, I guess I’m just not as articulate as you are Sir.”, the D.A. confessed.
Verdict – Mr. Assistant District Attorney, this Court finds you Guilty of Failya Ta Communicate.
Sentence – On the charge of Failya Ta Communicate, This Court sentences you to fo' semestahs of Ebonics and one weekend seminah of Snoop Dogg’s Englishizzle Fozzizzle Wizzle Peepizzle (Ghetto English For White People), BYOB (bring your own bong).
Judge Mountain was hearing a rape case. The Judge and victim were Black, the District Attorney was white. The D.A. was questioning the victim, trying to establish the elements of the crime of rape. Judge Mountain listened, with the right right side of his face propped against the palm of his right hand, and his left arm sprawled across his desk, tapping his gavel handle with his index finger.
“Miss Johnson, did the Defendant penetrate your vagina with his penis?”, the D.A. asked.
The victim's mouth dropped open slightly and she stared at the D.A. in silence for a couple of seconds, as if he were an alien life form,
“The Deewhaaat?”, she replied.
“Did the Defendant penetrate your vagina with his penis?”, the D.A. repeated, slowly enunciating his syllables.
(The judge slowly closed his eyes and exhaled)
the victim hesitated again, before replying,
“...Pene…whaaat?
The D.A. repeated his question. This time the D.A. slowly enunciated each syllable AND spaced the words out slightly.
“Did the Defendant penetrate your vagina with his penis?”
(The judge slowly shook his head slightly)
“... My ... my vawhaaat?
“Did the Defendant penetrate your vagina with his penis?”
(The judge looked up and rolled his eyes)
“...Huh? ... His peanuts? Wa choo talkin' 'bout his peanuts fo'?”
Judge Mountain leaned forward and interrupted the questioning,
“Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!”, the Judge rasped out, looking down and shaking his head in exasperation, before looking up at the D.A. and asking,
“Mistuh Distuct Attunee, do you mind if I rephrase the question fo' the guhl in orda ta move this heah heeun along?”
“Uhhh, why no your Honor.”, replied the surprised, but relieved D.A.
His Honor turned to the girl.
'Young lady, what da Man...", the judge turned and pointed at the D.A.,
“...,dat man right dare…”, the judge turned back to the girl, “…, is trying to ax you is,…” The Judge then pointed at the Defendant,
“... did dat man, dat man right over dare, in the orange jumpsuit, take and stick his dick in yo pussy?", The judge turned back to face the girl,
"Dat’s all da Man is trying to ax you.”, The judge leaned forward, crossed his hands on his desk and raised an eyebrow in expectation,
“Ohhhhh….”, the girl said slowly in understanding,
“Yeeeeah, he did that. He did that to me. Nasty ass muthafucka!”, the girl answered, staring directly at the defendant.
Judge Mountain leaned back, spun his chair to face the D.A. and scoffed,
“There! Now why couldn’t you jes' ask the girl like that? Instead of all that fooforall about penetrating her vagina with a penis?”
“Well your Honor, I guess I’m just not as articulate as you are Sir.”, the D.A. confessed.
Verdict – Mr. Assistant District Attorney, this Court finds you Guilty of Failya Ta Communicate.
Sentence – On the charge of Failya Ta Communicate, This Court sentences you to fo' semestahs of Ebonics and one weekend seminah of Snoop Dogg’s Englishizzle Fozzizzle Wizzle Peepizzle (Ghetto English For White People), BYOB (bring your own bong).
Good one mister!
ReplyDeleteThat judge was hilarious
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