Retirement party advice
So March is coming up and we all know what that means. It's retirement season! Retirement can be a very stressful time. I'm not talking about retirement itself, I mean the Retirement Party.
People wonder if they should throw a retirement party. If they do, should they sell tickets? If they sell tickets, will anybody buy them? Should they make it a sit down dinner? Should they foot the full bill? Who will come? Should it be invitation only? Will ANYBODY come? So here's my advice. I wondered about throwing a party. Initially I was,
"Naw, I don't want to sell tickets. First off, what if nobody buys them, or even worse, it's like the football party I threw in 2000 where only three guys from the station showed up and I'd barely said anything more than "Hey" to them in the years I'd known them? Secondly, I don't want to foot the bill for the whole party, 'cause everybody knows, if the drinks are free, EVERYBODY shows up! On a 100 person department, no big deal. On an eight THOUSAND person department, BIG deal. I don't drink and I don't want a $40,000 bar bill. I don't want to throw a party at my house or a restaurant, because you never know if one person, or a hundred people are going to show up, AND I don't want a bunch of drunken cops fuckin shit up at my house, shootin' the street lights out and tryin' to screw their 924's in my kids' beds!"
Then there was the other problem. I'm part Mexican and part White. My White family would be no problem. They all live out of state except for one cousin. The Mexican side would be a BIG problemo. Mexican families keep in touch with every blood relation, no matter how remote the connection. They see no hierarchical difference in a first cousin, you grew up with and that you see every weekend, because they live two miles away, and a third cousin, twice removed, who is really only related by marriage to a guy they divorced twenty years ago and that you met twice in your life, thirty years ago. If you don't believe me ask any Mexican you happen to see and they will verify this. So, when you plan a party in a Mexican family, your mother will expect you to invite EVERYBODY! Screw it.
My wife, on the other hand, felt that I should have a party. She kept tossing ideas out at me and I kept shooting them down. Finally, she got an idea that I could get behind. She had contacted Legends Sports Bar in Long Beach. They would let us use their second floor on a weekday, no charge. That way we wouldn't have people who weren't with us, scrounging our food, or taking up space on the second floor, or wigging out, because they spot somebody's strap. There would be no minimum food, or beer, purchase requirement, like other restaurants and bars she had checked, because they have the food on hand, and what they don't sell to us, they'll just sell the next night. So if three people show up, or a hundred people show up, it's all good! Plus, they would let us bring our own food and deserts, if it wasn't something they already served, we just couldn't bring outside alcohol in. They just needed an approximate head count for staffing purposes.
Now my wife is even cheaper than the love child of Jeff Fleming and Barry Shapiro, so she wasn't about to foot the alcohol bill for two cops, let alone a hundred. She came up with the idea of buying their first beer. She would give anyone who showed up a card, or two, which they could exchange for the beverage of their choice. After that, they were drinking on their own dime. That sounded like a plan to me, so I agreed. That brought up the problem of family. I told my wife,
"Look, I'm not retiring from my family. I see them all the time. I'll invite my cousin in Westminster, because I hardly ever see her and she lives close to the place. My folks, my sister, your sister and my mom's brothers and sisters. That's it, except for Jeff and his kids, because they're deputies too. The rest of them I'll see at Thanksgiving, Christmas, or Groundhogs Day."
My wife set up the menu with Legends, bought some deserts and decorated. My wife's sister, who LOVES planning parties tried to make some suggestions to "...make it a better party".
My Wife - Wayde's retirement party is at Legends on November 9th. Can you guys make it?
My Sister-in-Law - Sure! What do you want me to do?
My Wife - Nothing.
My Sister-in-Law - What about food?
My Wife - I've got that covered.
My Sister-in-Law - What are you doing for decorations?
My Wife - We're just going to have a sign and some balloons on the balcony so they know to come upstairs.
My Sister-in-Law - Tsk. That's alllll?
My Wife - Yes.
My Sister-in-Law - That doesn't seem very festive. What about putting something outside, like a banner with a sheriff's star and his name on it?
My Wife - You know these are cops right? They don't want to advertise and have some idiot see there's a bunch of cops inside and do a drive by on it.
My Sister-in-Law - NnnnKAYay. What are you going to have for party favors?
My Wife - Party Favors? These are cops! They don't care about party favors. You give them some alcohol and you give them some food, that's it!
My Sister-in-Law - NnnnKAYay. What about games and prizes?
My Wife - Oh my God! Are you kidding me? THESE ARE COPS! Do you really think they want to play a game called, "Who Knows Wayde Best", and guess what his favorite color is?
My Sister-in-Law - Tsk! Why not? Don't cops like to have fun?
My Wife - Yeah, but THEIR idea of fun and YOUR idea of fun don't match up. Their idea of fun is chasing a bad guy down the street and getting into a fight. Do you really think they want to play, "Guess How Many Jelly Beans Are In The Jar"? Wayde would divorce me if I did something like that... and he would shoot you!
My Sister-in-Law - NnnnKAYay. I just thought you wanted it to be a good party.
My Wife - It will be fine.
My Sister-in-Law - NnnnKAyay. Let me know if you need any help.
My job was to get a headcount. I had been out IOD for about a 18 months before the party, so I was relying on people at work to spread the word, mainly Jeff Fleming via text and Facebook. If you find yourself in this situation, be prepared for back and forths similar to the following;
Oct 18, 2016
Me - I'm having a retirement party at Legend's Sports Bar in Long Beach on 2nd Street, November 9, 2016 at 1800 to 2200. First beer is on me. Let me know if you can make it.
Fleming - I'll be there.
Me - Alright
Oct 19, 2016
Me - Hey, what was that guy's name we used to call "Fire Marshall Bill", because he looked like Jim Carey?
Fleming - Bennet. He was my trainee.
Me - Yeah, I rode with him when he was on training. We got in a pursuit and the guy dumped the car in an alley and was gone when we found it. I had him run the VIN. It was a carjacking, taken in a shotgun robbery earlier that day. I flamed out! "Fire Marshall Bill" got to see me climb on top of a brick wall and go into a 5 minute tirade. I was yelling and cursing into the dark, "I'M GONNA FIND YOU, YOU MOTHERFUCKER! I SWEAR TO FUCKIN" GAWD I"M GONNA FIND YOU!" "Fire Marshall Bill's" mouth just dropped open. When I finished, I dropped down from the wall, and told him to finish the tow and that I was going to the end of the alley. A few minutes later the suspect came walking up the street, like no big deal. I went in a foot pursuit, caught him and almost ended up shooting him. He still had the keys on him. Oh, can you get "Fire Marshall Bill's" number? I want to invite him.
Fleming - I'll try.
Fleming - Bennett works for the *** call 213 ***-****.
Me - Thanks
Fleming - What the fuck else can I do for you? Did you invite "Biscuits"? How about Steve McGinnis?
Me- I don't have a number for either of them. Trejo is supposed to send me a number for "Biscuits" when he gets home.
Fleming - "Biscuits" is at K9 at transit. I think he still hates me for giving him that nickname.
Me - I think that it's an OUTSTANDING nickname. His K9 probably has a tougher sounding name, like Thor, or Brutus, while his sounds more like the name you would give a poodle chihuahua mix.
Fleming - He tried to make his own nickname, "Indian". Nobody bought into it.
Me - "Indian"? Pfffft! How did that dipshit think he was going to nickname himself? Did he think we were firemen?
Fleming - Hey, he has the American Indian card. I think he is half Indian.
Me - We didn't even call Ravi, "Indian", and he's full on red dot Indian.
Fleming - Exactly!
October 22, 2016
Me - Can you call N. Acosta, and G. Adams and invite them to the party and let me know what they say. I think Marshall Baird will come out from Texas if those guys come. He's on the fence right now.
Fleming - Did you remind him that you are buying the first beer? That should be a driving force for any man to fly from Texas and leave his family! Did Barry Shapiro give you party advice?
Me - Yes, Barry is my party consigliere. In fact, I'm buying the beer from him. It's a brand of beer called "Plain Wrap". I never heard of it, but Barry assures me it's the primo stuff. Do you think Greg and Marshall are holding out for two beers?
October 27, 2016
Fleming - Did you speak to Bennett?
Me - He emailed me.
Fleming - Is he coming?
Me - He said he is and he said, "... can't wait to see my formerly buff T.O."
Fleming - Ha! Man he was the best partner! You might get more people to show, if you bought them more than one beer!
Me - For a guy who's never bought somebody else a beer in his life, unless it was with borrowed money that he never paid back, you sure have a lot of advice on how much money I should spend.
Fleming - Just trying to help out.
Fleming - How about Carl?
Me - Crackhead Carl from Compton and Central? Fuck yeah, if he's still alive. If he comes, we have to get hold of Rupe!
Fleming - How about Thelma?
Me - Yeah just don't bring a flashlight, you'll never want to touch it again. OH! "The Milk Babes", you have to invite her. We'll get her to squirt "Biscuits".
Fleming - I don't know, she's gotta be in her late 60's now. The milk has probably turned to cottage cheese.
Me - Good point. Pass on "the Milk Babes".
November 7, 2016
Fleming - How are the RSVP's coming?
Me - YES - M. Acosta, G. Adams, Aikin, Baker, Bartlett, Beardsley, Fire Marshall Bill, Benson, Billoups, Bergner, R. Borges, Brick, "Fast Eddie", M. Brooks, Castaneda, Chingon, Chavez, Colton, Pretty Boy Conway, J. Cook, Dailey, Damole, Deboom, Dempsey, Dickerson, Pretty Boy Ehrhorn, Evans, "Pinkie", Fairbanks, You, cause I promised you a present, Fulop, E. Gaines, M. Gomez, Haertsch, J. HANSON (If she comes, I might divorce my wife), Hauck, Hausers, Tisha, Jaramilla, Ingrid, Sgt Johnson, A. Johnson, C. Jones, Janulewicz, Kennard, Kluth, D. Luther, J. Lindsey, T. Luu, Lulu, Merino (my work wife), D. Moore, Nelson, Alise, Pascual, C. Perez, Preston, Ciro the Zero, Racz, Gus, F. Reynolds, Rocker, L. Rodriguez, Shauna, Schlosser, Shapiro, Stellas, Suazo, Stahl, Trejo, Tateyama, Thoresons, Vargas, Von B, Keith Wall, Wulterin and Yockey. There's about 170 I haven't heard from and 30 can't make it, so you might get two beers after all.
Fleming - That's gonna be a hell of a showing. Did you reserve the top deck?
Me - Yes, but they said it should be slow, except for us, so we can spread out downstairs if we need to. If there's anybody I don't have listed and you have a number for, let them know. We like the same people. I just want a picture with Mary, Tisha, Alise, Hanson and Merino and I'll be happy. Don't photo bomb it with your big pit bull head either.
Fleming - What time's it start?
Me - 6 pm. Did you get the post on your facebook page yesterday with the cat photo?
Fleming - NO
Fleming- oh yeah
Me - Do you have numbers for M. Barraza, S. Christopher and G. Padilla and Padillas old partner, I think he's at WHD?
Fleming - No, but i can probably get it.
Me - Can you try, and then send them to me? I'd like to invite those guys too, especially since I almost blew Padilla's and and his partner's coconuts off with the shotgun one day. I figure I owe them a beer, maybe two. I'll tell you about that one at lunch.
Fleming - OK
November 7, 2016
Fleming - Calzada is in.
Me - Cool. Do you know if Murakami is coming?
Fleming - No.
Me - Alright, I'll ask Mary.
Fleming - Is Fulop coming?
Me - Yes
Fleming - Want me to get hold of Cocke?
Me - I don't want to know about your masturbation habits.
Fleming - RICK Cocke, asshole!
Me - Yeah, go ahead. I emailed him, but it's been 15 years, so the email I have is old and I got no reply.
Fleming - Who were your D.I.s?
Me - Fuck if I remember. Chacon might remember. Axle Anderson was one, but not my platoon's. Candy Mathews was Chacon's. She got in his shit one day, because his zipper was down during inspection. She yelled at him, "Do you like me or something Cadet Chacon?" Chacon was at attention and with a straight face replied, "NOOOO, MA'AM! ". Everybody started laughing. I don't remember my D.I.s name. The ramrod retired as a captain I think. He looked kind of like Roy Scheider from Jaws.
Fleming - Cussiter?
Me- No that doesn't even ring a bell. I would know the names if I heard them. Oh my guy's name was Maurer.
Fleming - You just made that up.
Me - No, but I just sent a message to a guy that can verify it. I just sent him a message. We'll see if he acks up. How about Scroggins or Gama? Do you have their numbers?
Fleming - No. Is Fred Noya coming?
Me - haven't heard.
Fleming - Seymour, Randy Olsen and Gayton-Jacobs are all on Facebook.
Me - Seymour lives in frickin' Texas! He's not coming out here. Gator said he can't make it. I'll try looking Olsen up.
Me - There's only about a million Randy Olsens.
Fleming - Olson
Me - I'm sure that will help narrow it down. Hang on. Well, what do ya know... there's a million of them too, but he's the first one!
Fleming - Smartass
Me - Jim Maurer was confirmed as my platoon DI in the Academy. Johnson was the ramrod.
Fleming - Oh yeah.
November 12, 2016 (a week after the party)
Me- Who was the tall Black guy with the pork pie hat at my party? I recognized him and his voice, but I can't recall his name.
Fleming - Rocky McCloud? I don't remember seeing a pork pie hat.
Me - No, Rocky wasn't even there, and before you just start throwing out every tall Black guy's name you can think of, it wasn't Warren Fairbanks either.
Fleming - John Haynes?
Me - Oh my God! Black folks do all look alike to you, don't they? FUCK! No this guy's been gone for years. He went to GET HQ.
Fleming - Clair?
Me - Holy Fuck! CLAIR? Are you fuckin' with me? Clair's a fuckin' idiot! He didn't go to GET! And he's not even close to tall! Why would I invite that useless ass? Did you even try looking at the pictures? I want my coffee cup back!
Fleming - Standby
Me- he's in the photo with Fulop. looks like he's doing the robot with his eyes closed.
Fleming - Stefan Christopher
Me - Oh yeah.
Fleming - You're the one who invited him! Last week ago you messaged me that he was coming, and now you don't remember his name! JESUS!
Me - I'm on medication.
If you are wondering, about 130-140 people showed up. All in, including tips, the party cost me about $2,500. I highly recommend Legends, or a venue that will allow a similar set up. I would have regretted not having a retirement party.
Happy Retirement!
So March is coming up and we all know what that means. It's retirement season! Retirement can be a very stressful time. I'm not talking about retirement itself, I mean the Retirement Party.
People wonder if they should throw a retirement party. If they do, should they sell tickets? If they sell tickets, will anybody buy them? Should they make it a sit down dinner? Should they foot the full bill? Who will come? Should it be invitation only? Will ANYBODY come? So here's my advice. I wondered about throwing a party. Initially I was,
"Naw, I don't want to sell tickets. First off, what if nobody buys them, or even worse, it's like the football party I threw in 2000 where only three guys from the station showed up and I'd barely said anything more than "Hey" to them in the years I'd known them? Secondly, I don't want to foot the bill for the whole party, 'cause everybody knows, if the drinks are free, EVERYBODY shows up! On a 100 person department, no big deal. On an eight THOUSAND person department, BIG deal. I don't drink and I don't want a $40,000 bar bill. I don't want to throw a party at my house or a restaurant, because you never know if one person, or a hundred people are going to show up, AND I don't want a bunch of drunken cops fuckin shit up at my house, shootin' the street lights out and tryin' to screw their 924's in my kids' beds!"
Then there was the other problem. I'm part Mexican and part White. My White family would be no problem. They all live out of state except for one cousin. The Mexican side would be a BIG problemo. Mexican families keep in touch with every blood relation, no matter how remote the connection. They see no hierarchical difference in a first cousin, you grew up with and that you see every weekend, because they live two miles away, and a third cousin, twice removed, who is really only related by marriage to a guy they divorced twenty years ago and that you met twice in your life, thirty years ago. If you don't believe me ask any Mexican you happen to see and they will verify this. So, when you plan a party in a Mexican family, your mother will expect you to invite EVERYBODY! Screw it.
My wife, on the other hand, felt that I should have a party. She kept tossing ideas out at me and I kept shooting them down. Finally, she got an idea that I could get behind. She had contacted Legends Sports Bar in Long Beach. They would let us use their second floor on a weekday, no charge. That way we wouldn't have people who weren't with us, scrounging our food, or taking up space on the second floor, or wigging out, because they spot somebody's strap. There would be no minimum food, or beer, purchase requirement, like other restaurants and bars she had checked, because they have the food on hand, and what they don't sell to us, they'll just sell the next night. So if three people show up, or a hundred people show up, it's all good! Plus, they would let us bring our own food and deserts, if it wasn't something they already served, we just couldn't bring outside alcohol in. They just needed an approximate head count for staffing purposes.
Now my wife is even cheaper than the love child of Jeff Fleming and Barry Shapiro, so she wasn't about to foot the alcohol bill for two cops, let alone a hundred. She came up with the idea of buying their first beer. She would give anyone who showed up a card, or two, which they could exchange for the beverage of their choice. After that, they were drinking on their own dime. That sounded like a plan to me, so I agreed. That brought up the problem of family. I told my wife,
"Look, I'm not retiring from my family. I see them all the time. I'll invite my cousin in Westminster, because I hardly ever see her and she lives close to the place. My folks, my sister, your sister and my mom's brothers and sisters. That's it, except for Jeff and his kids, because they're deputies too. The rest of them I'll see at Thanksgiving, Christmas, or Groundhogs Day."
My wife set up the menu with Legends, bought some deserts and decorated. My wife's sister, who LOVES planning parties tried to make some suggestions to "...make it a better party".
My Wife - Wayde's retirement party is at Legends on November 9th. Can you guys make it?
My Sister-in-Law - Sure! What do you want me to do?
My Wife - Nothing.
My Sister-in-Law - What about food?
My Wife - I've got that covered.
My Sister-in-Law - What are you doing for decorations?
My Wife - We're just going to have a sign and some balloons on the balcony so they know to come upstairs.
My Sister-in-Law - Tsk. That's alllll?
My Wife - Yes.
My Sister-in-Law - That doesn't seem very festive. What about putting something outside, like a banner with a sheriff's star and his name on it?
My Wife - You know these are cops right? They don't want to advertise and have some idiot see there's a bunch of cops inside and do a drive by on it.
My Sister-in-Law - NnnnKAYay. What are you going to have for party favors?
My Wife - Party Favors? These are cops! They don't care about party favors. You give them some alcohol and you give them some food, that's it!
My Sister-in-Law - NnnnKAYay. What about games and prizes?
My Wife - Oh my God! Are you kidding me? THESE ARE COPS! Do you really think they want to play a game called, "Who Knows Wayde Best", and guess what his favorite color is?
My Sister-in-Law - Tsk! Why not? Don't cops like to have fun?
My Wife - Yeah, but THEIR idea of fun and YOUR idea of fun don't match up. Their idea of fun is chasing a bad guy down the street and getting into a fight. Do you really think they want to play, "Guess How Many Jelly Beans Are In The Jar"? Wayde would divorce me if I did something like that... and he would shoot you!
My Sister-in-Law - NnnnKAYay. I just thought you wanted it to be a good party.
My Wife - It will be fine.
My Sister-in-Law - NnnnKAyay. Let me know if you need any help.
My job was to get a headcount. I had been out IOD for about a 18 months before the party, so I was relying on people at work to spread the word, mainly Jeff Fleming via text and Facebook. If you find yourself in this situation, be prepared for back and forths similar to the following;
Oct 18, 2016
Me - I'm having a retirement party at Legend's Sports Bar in Long Beach on 2nd Street, November 9, 2016 at 1800 to 2200. First beer is on me. Let me know if you can make it.
Fleming - I'll be there.
Me - Alright
Oct 19, 2016
Me - Hey, what was that guy's name we used to call "Fire Marshall Bill", because he looked like Jim Carey?
Fleming - Bennet. He was my trainee.
Me - Yeah, I rode with him when he was on training. We got in a pursuit and the guy dumped the car in an alley and was gone when we found it. I had him run the VIN. It was a carjacking, taken in a shotgun robbery earlier that day. I flamed out! "Fire Marshall Bill" got to see me climb on top of a brick wall and go into a 5 minute tirade. I was yelling and cursing into the dark, "I'M GONNA FIND YOU, YOU MOTHERFUCKER! I SWEAR TO FUCKIN" GAWD I"M GONNA FIND YOU!" "Fire Marshall Bill's" mouth just dropped open. When I finished, I dropped down from the wall, and told him to finish the tow and that I was going to the end of the alley. A few minutes later the suspect came walking up the street, like no big deal. I went in a foot pursuit, caught him and almost ended up shooting him. He still had the keys on him. Oh, can you get "Fire Marshall Bill's" number? I want to invite him.
Fleming - I'll try.
Fleming - Bennett works for the *** call 213 ***-****.
Me - Thanks
Fleming - What the fuck else can I do for you? Did you invite "Biscuits"? How about Steve McGinnis?
Me- I don't have a number for either of them. Trejo is supposed to send me a number for "Biscuits" when he gets home.
Fleming - "Biscuits" is at K9 at transit. I think he still hates me for giving him that nickname.
Me - I think that it's an OUTSTANDING nickname. His K9 probably has a tougher sounding name, like Thor, or Brutus, while his sounds more like the name you would give a poodle chihuahua mix.
Fleming - He tried to make his own nickname, "Indian". Nobody bought into it.
Me - "Indian"? Pfffft! How did that dipshit think he was going to nickname himself? Did he think we were firemen?
Fleming - Hey, he has the American Indian card. I think he is half Indian.
Me - We didn't even call Ravi, "Indian", and he's full on red dot Indian.
Fleming - Exactly!
October 22, 2016
Me - Can you call N. Acosta, and G. Adams and invite them to the party and let me know what they say. I think Marshall Baird will come out from Texas if those guys come. He's on the fence right now.
Fleming - Did you remind him that you are buying the first beer? That should be a driving force for any man to fly from Texas and leave his family! Did Barry Shapiro give you party advice?
Me - Yes, Barry is my party consigliere. In fact, I'm buying the beer from him. It's a brand of beer called "Plain Wrap". I never heard of it, but Barry assures me it's the primo stuff. Do you think Greg and Marshall are holding out for two beers?
October 27, 2016
Fleming - Did you speak to Bennett?
Me - He emailed me.
Fleming - Is he coming?
Me - He said he is and he said, "... can't wait to see my formerly buff T.O."
Fleming - Ha! Man he was the best partner! You might get more people to show, if you bought them more than one beer!
Me - For a guy who's never bought somebody else a beer in his life, unless it was with borrowed money that he never paid back, you sure have a lot of advice on how much money I should spend.
Fleming - Just trying to help out.
Fleming - How about Carl?
Me - Crackhead Carl from Compton and Central? Fuck yeah, if he's still alive. If he comes, we have to get hold of Rupe!
Fleming - How about Thelma?
Me - Yeah just don't bring a flashlight, you'll never want to touch it again. OH! "The Milk Babes", you have to invite her. We'll get her to squirt "Biscuits".
Fleming - I don't know, she's gotta be in her late 60's now. The milk has probably turned to cottage cheese.
Me - Good point. Pass on "the Milk Babes".
November 7, 2016
Fleming - How are the RSVP's coming?
Me - YES - M. Acosta, G. Adams, Aikin, Baker, Bartlett, Beardsley, Fire Marshall Bill, Benson, Billoups, Bergner, R. Borges, Brick, "Fast Eddie", M. Brooks, Castaneda, Chingon, Chavez, Colton, Pretty Boy Conway, J. Cook, Dailey, Damole, Deboom, Dempsey, Dickerson, Pretty Boy Ehrhorn, Evans, "Pinkie", Fairbanks, You, cause I promised you a present, Fulop, E. Gaines, M. Gomez, Haertsch, J. HANSON (If she comes, I might divorce my wife), Hauck, Hausers, Tisha, Jaramilla, Ingrid, Sgt Johnson, A. Johnson, C. Jones, Janulewicz, Kennard, Kluth, D. Luther, J. Lindsey, T. Luu, Lulu, Merino (my work wife), D. Moore, Nelson, Alise, Pascual, C. Perez, Preston, Ciro the Zero, Racz, Gus, F. Reynolds, Rocker, L. Rodriguez, Shauna, Schlosser, Shapiro, Stellas, Suazo, Stahl, Trejo, Tateyama, Thoresons, Vargas, Von B, Keith Wall, Wulterin and Yockey. There's about 170 I haven't heard from and 30 can't make it, so you might get two beers after all.
Fleming - That's gonna be a hell of a showing. Did you reserve the top deck?
Me - Yes, but they said it should be slow, except for us, so we can spread out downstairs if we need to. If there's anybody I don't have listed and you have a number for, let them know. We like the same people. I just want a picture with Mary, Tisha, Alise, Hanson and Merino and I'll be happy. Don't photo bomb it with your big pit bull head either.
Fleming - What time's it start?
Me - 6 pm. Did you get the post on your facebook page yesterday with the cat photo?
Fleming - NO
Fleming- oh yeah
Me - Do you have numbers for M. Barraza, S. Christopher and G. Padilla and Padillas old partner, I think he's at WHD?
Fleming - No, but i can probably get it.
Me - Can you try, and then send them to me? I'd like to invite those guys too, especially since I almost blew Padilla's and and his partner's coconuts off with the shotgun one day. I figure I owe them a beer, maybe two. I'll tell you about that one at lunch.
Fleming - OK
November 7, 2016
Fleming - Calzada is in.
Me - Cool. Do you know if Murakami is coming?
Fleming - No.
Me - Alright, I'll ask Mary.
Fleming - Is Fulop coming?
Me - Yes
Fleming - Want me to get hold of Cocke?
Me - I don't want to know about your masturbation habits.
Fleming - RICK Cocke, asshole!
Me - Yeah, go ahead. I emailed him, but it's been 15 years, so the email I have is old and I got no reply.
Fleming - Who were your D.I.s?
Me - Fuck if I remember. Chacon might remember. Axle Anderson was one, but not my platoon's. Candy Mathews was Chacon's. She got in his shit one day, because his zipper was down during inspection. She yelled at him, "Do you like me or something Cadet Chacon?" Chacon was at attention and with a straight face replied, "NOOOO, MA'AM! ". Everybody started laughing. I don't remember my D.I.s name. The ramrod retired as a captain I think. He looked kind of like Roy Scheider from Jaws.
Fleming - Cussiter?
Me- No that doesn't even ring a bell. I would know the names if I heard them. Oh my guy's name was Maurer.
Fleming - You just made that up.
Me - No, but I just sent a message to a guy that can verify it. I just sent him a message. We'll see if he acks up. How about Scroggins or Gama? Do you have their numbers?
Fleming - No. Is Fred Noya coming?
Me - haven't heard.
Fleming - Seymour, Randy Olsen and Gayton-Jacobs are all on Facebook.
Me - Seymour lives in frickin' Texas! He's not coming out here. Gator said he can't make it. I'll try looking Olsen up.
Me - There's only about a million Randy Olsens.
Fleming - Olson
Me - I'm sure that will help narrow it down. Hang on. Well, what do ya know... there's a million of them too, but he's the first one!
Fleming - Smartass
Me - Jim Maurer was confirmed as my platoon DI in the Academy. Johnson was the ramrod.
Fleming - Oh yeah.
November 12, 2016 (a week after the party)
Me- Who was the tall Black guy with the pork pie hat at my party? I recognized him and his voice, but I can't recall his name.
Fleming - Rocky McCloud? I don't remember seeing a pork pie hat.
Me - No, Rocky wasn't even there, and before you just start throwing out every tall Black guy's name you can think of, it wasn't Warren Fairbanks either.
Fleming - John Haynes?
Me - Oh my God! Black folks do all look alike to you, don't they? FUCK! No this guy's been gone for years. He went to GET HQ.
Fleming - Clair?
Me - Holy Fuck! CLAIR? Are you fuckin' with me? Clair's a fuckin' idiot! He didn't go to GET! And he's not even close to tall! Why would I invite that useless ass? Did you even try looking at the pictures? I want my coffee cup back!
Fleming - Standby
Me- he's in the photo with Fulop. looks like he's doing the robot with his eyes closed.
Fleming - Stefan Christopher
Me - Oh yeah.
Fleming - You're the one who invited him! Last week ago you messaged me that he was coming, and now you don't remember his name! JESUS!
Me - I'm on medication.
If you are wondering, about 130-140 people showed up. All in, including tips, the party cost me about $2,500. I highly recommend Legends, or a venue that will allow a similar set up. I would have regretted not having a retirement party.
Happy Retirement!
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