The Retired Cop

Uncle Bill      William Fowler, who I called Uncle Bill, passed away on May 27, 2016, not long after his 89th birthday.  In his last few years, He lived in a casita with his wife.  The casita sat on a hilltop and was located on his daughter's avocado farm.  Every morning, he would get up, kiss his wife and go outside to sit on his back porch.  He would greet the sunrise with a rendition of, "Oh, What a Beautiful Morning".  Every morning.      Uncle Bill wasn't really my uncle.  He was married for 58 years to a wonderful woman named Mary Anne.  No, not the Mary Anne of Gilligan's Island fame.  Morons.  Uncle Bill and Mary Anne may have been the most in-love couple I ever met. They always spoke lovingly of each other. Mary Anne is the cousin of my step-mother. It was never really clear to me how people were related to each other in the Padilla clan, or even what their names were, because everyone had at least o...

Case #37 - re The People vs Jeff Fleming & Lance Wulterin ( The Fleming Juicer )      In the mid to late 90’s, I took part in the first, and only, departmental sponsored run of my career. The Cabrillo Beach Relay. The following events are true and undisputed by anyone. The witnesses for the prosecution are myself, Joey Haertsch, Steve Glass, Irvin Deroche, and in return for lenient sentences, Jeff Fleming and Lance Wulterin. The six of us were participating in the relay race. At the time of the incident we were all sitting in the bed of the chase truck eating oranges from a box in the middle of the truck bed. Joey, Jeff and I were sitting on the driver’s side of the truck bed. Irv and Steve were sitting on the passenger side of the truck bed. Lance was sitting in the truck bed right behind the passenger compartment glass.      Jeff stood up and began spinning one of his stories, while he finished an orange. Everyone was laughing and looking up at Je...

Case #36 - re The People vs Dorsey Luther ( Cats and dogs )      Dorsey Luther had brought her Narco K-9, “Bobbie” (pffft, Bobbie?), to help us out on a parole search. The guy whose house we were searching had a mean ass pit bull in the backyard that had to be secured before Dorsey would bring her K-9 in. Narco dogs aren't as tough as man tracking dogs. In addition to the pit bull, the suspect also had a cat that had obviously had some run-ins with the pit bull, and, predictably, lost all of them. The tabby was missing an eye, an ear, half the other ear, one quarter of his tail, the rest of his tail appeared to be permanently bent into the shape of a Z and various patches of hair were gone with visible scar tissue. That poor cat had nine tough lives. The cat was lounging in the front yard, when Dorsey started to bring her Narco K-9 into the house.      When the K-9 was half way into the front yard, the cat snapped. It streaked across the lawn and leaped...

Case #35 - re The People vs Rick Cocke (The Matrix)      Rick Cocke was on training under the fatherly guidance of “Boss Rhino” aka Mark Wedel. After several weeks, “Boss Rhino” had noticed areas where Rick needed to improve. One area was his investigative skills. Rick had a habit of questioning suspects in front of each other. This technique makes it rather difficult to trip crimees up in their lies; since it allows them to they hear each other’s alibis/stories/lies. “Boss Rhino” instructed Rick in a secret interviewing technique known as "Separating The Suspects, Before Questioning Them". Rick was certain that the STSBQT technique was just more over-the-hill-cop horse shit and that his own technique was better. This opinion was based on ..... well,... nothing. But, “The Boss”, is nothing if not patient. He patiently, and consistently, corrected Rick when he failed to follow the STSBQT technique.      A training officer’s job is a difficult one. You h...