Case #41 - re The People vs Jeff Fleming #4 (A barfly, a deputy and a dozen friends named Jack)

Case #41 - re The People vs Jeff Fleming #2 (A barfly, a deputy and a dozen friends named Jack)

     Sometime in the early 1990s, Detective J.J. Johnson wanted his Carson station coworkers to meet his childhood friend.  So, he called his pal Darryl Strawberry and secured a bunch of tickets to a game when Darryl would be playing at Dodger Stadium.  After the game we met up at a nearby bar called The Shortstop.  I was the third one to arrive at The Shortstop.  Fast Eddie Brown and Jeff Fleming were there ahead of me.  And surprise, surprise, they had already started drinking.  Eddie Brown was trying his damnedest not to rip the felt on the pool table.  Jeff on the other hand was close to sealing the deal with a gal at  the bar.  He had both forearms crossed in front of him on the bar.  He was using them to prop his upper body up.  His head was drooped forward, hovering just above 11 empty shot glasses.  A gal on his left had her right arm draped over his shoulders, while her left hand was pouring a 12th shot of JD down his gullet.  She had quite a rack.  One tit was overlapping both sides of her left knee.  The other udder had been knocked off her right knee by her 48" belly, and was swaying between her calves.  She had light colored hair, grey actually, done up in a beehive.  And her varicose veins were barely noticeable in the dim light.  I sized up the situation.  Eddie was only in danger of owing the bar some money to re-felt the pool table.  Jeff was in danger of committing suicide in the morning when he woke up next to someone’s great-grandmother.  Jeff needed rescuing.

       I sat down on his right and whispered,
“Hey Jeff, you need to come with me.”
Great grandma either heard me, or was tipped off by the look of horror on my face, at any rate, she went into incestuous mama bear possessive mode.  She blew a ring of smoke in my face, and pulled Jeff against her right side,
“Mine!”, she growled and bared her dentures at me.
“Jeff, You need to come with me!”
He aimed his giant, wobbly head in my direction,
“Wayde?”
“Yeah, me Wayde, you Jeff, and you need to come with me now!”
A bleary eyed smile,
“Ohhhhkaaaay, lesh go buddeeee.”

     Jeff fought his way free of the man-eating senior citizen and I pulled him to the side,
“Jeff, look at her!  What the fuck are you thinking about?”, I whispered.
Jeff spun his head in the direction of Miss Pumpkin Festival 1914 and paused for a few seconds as he tried to bring her into focus.  Then he spun his head back my way, which caused him to lose his balance and start weaving.  He asked me,
“Wha’?  Youuuu think she’sh tooooo oooold?”
I was so tempted to say,
“Naw, she’s a real hottie.  I just wanted to know if you needed a condom.”
But, digital cameras hadn’t been invented yet, so what would have been the point?
“Yeah she’s too fucking old!  She’s too old for my grandfather.”

     As we sat at a table, the old great-granny seemed to realize her play at Jeff had failed.  The dejcted look on her face disappeared almost as soon as it appeared, because she had spotted Eddie Brown.  She could see Eddie was at least, as drunk as Jeff.  She grabbed her walker, dabbed a little JD behind her ears and across her massive, hanging mammaries and waddled over to Eddie, who was leaninng over the table for a far corner shot at the 9 ball.  She tapped Eddie on the shoulder as she slapped a quarter on the table and suggestively rasped, "Lemme show you how I stroke a cue, sailor."  Eddie responded by snoring.  He was passed out across the table. The old hag snatched up her two bits and left in a huff and a puff of smoke.

Verdict – Jeff Fleming, there is an old saying, "Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.", or something like that.  Selling yourself for a dozen shots of JD? This Court finds you Guilty of Acting Like A Cheap Manwhore.

Sentence – You are ordered to engage the services of a Manwhore Pimp.  Someone willing to invest some money into getting you back into some sort of condition where you can be a little more selective in your clientele and won’t be having to resort to cruising the rest homes/senior citizen care centers for Johns...or Janes, or whatever you call them, and then having to give them a 10% discount because of their age.  By the way, my grandfather died 15 years ago, do you mind if I give my grandmother your card for her 95th birthday?  Yes, a napkin with your parent’s number will be fine.  Yes, I know, it is hard to find a place these days.