Case #58 - The People vs Whatever Rich Prick Lived In That Fancy Ocean View Malibu Home (a lesson in fire safety)
Case #58 - The People vs Whatever Rich Prick Lived In That Fancy Ocean View Malibu Home (a lesson in fire safety)
In the annual Malibu fire season of 2004,or maybe 2003 (they're all kind of the same), Dave Kluth, , me and the rest of the Carson COPs team were sent to assist. That night we were assigned to keep an eye on a hillside neighborhood in Malibu that had been given a mandatory evacuation order earlier. For those of you that don't know, Malibu is beach community with a large population of the well heeled.
We set up our little base of operations in the backyard of a multi-million dollar home that was situated on about an acre of land. The backyard ended at a steep hillside overlooking the Pacific Ocean. It was beautiful.
One of the first things we did was check to see if all the doors and windows were locked. They were... with one exception. The rear sliding door had been left open about a foot. We announced ourselves and went in to verify that the house wasn't being burglarized. It wasn't. The house was empty. That was nice for us, it meant we wouldn't have to pee in the bushes. It also meant we could put our water in the fridge. So that was good.
What wasn't good, was that somebody had not only left the back sliding door open a foot, they had also left a trail of dried brush leading from the dried scrub brush around the property edges, to the back patio, across the back patio, through the gap in the rear entrance, past the cloth curtains and up to a pile of dried brush, twigs and logs in the middle of the living room... next to the cloth couch.
A look around the property indicated that the house had been converted into some kind of rehab facility. It didn't take a fireman, or an evil boy scout, to figure out that whoever set that trail of dried brush and twigs up was hoping the house would burn down. Now whether it had been set up, by the homeowner, a disgruntled employee (current, or former), a paying "resident", or somebody else, who's to say? Our vote was for the homeowner trying to cash in on his insurance policy, but the D.A. isn't going to file attempted arson charges on that. So, we removed the brush, twigs and logs from the house patio and yard, left a note for the homeowner letting him know that somebody had carelessly left the rear door open and the wind had apparently blown some flammable materials into his home, so we had removed it. We also left a Polaroid of the flammable materials in the house, with the trail of brush leading out of the open door. We added that we would be giving some similar Polaroids to the fire investigators, just in case a similar "accident" occurred in the future.
We never got a, "Thank you", for saving his beautiful, ocean view home, but then, we rarely do.
Verdict – Mr./Mrs/Ms/ Fancy Schmancy Homeowner, the criminal court system might not look favorably on convicting, or even trying people, with only the facts provided here, but this court thrives on it. In this court, a mere whisper of a rumor is enough to get you dragged kicking and screaming before the judge. In fact, since the writer is also the judge, the writer's opinion is the only thing needed to convict you. And, in this writer's/judge's opinion, you have been Very naughty, verrrry naughty indeed. You are found guilty of Attempted Arson
Sentence – Mr./Mrs/Ms/ Fancy Schmancy Homeowner, the court sentences you to join the Boy Scouts, or Girl Scouts of America, your choice, until such time as you have earned your Fire Safety Merit Badge. You're also sentenced to never to be allowed to evacuate your home in case of a fire. In case of fire, you will be chained to your home. You want to live? Put the fire out yourself, you greedy asshole. Firefighters are issued a stay away order from your home. Oh! Just in time too! Fire season is upon us.
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In the annual Malibu fire season of 2004,or maybe 2003 (they're all kind of the same), Dave Kluth, , me and the rest of the Carson COPs team were sent to assist. That night we were assigned to keep an eye on a hillside neighborhood in Malibu that had been given a mandatory evacuation order earlier. For those of you that don't know, Malibu is beach community with a large population of the well heeled.
We set up our little base of operations in the backyard of a multi-million dollar home that was situated on about an acre of land. The backyard ended at a steep hillside overlooking the Pacific Ocean. It was beautiful.
One of the first things we did was check to see if all the doors and windows were locked. They were... with one exception. The rear sliding door had been left open about a foot. We announced ourselves and went in to verify that the house wasn't being burglarized. It wasn't. The house was empty. That was nice for us, it meant we wouldn't have to pee in the bushes. It also meant we could put our water in the fridge. So that was good.
What wasn't good, was that somebody had not only left the back sliding door open a foot, they had also left a trail of dried brush leading from the dried scrub brush around the property edges, to the back patio, across the back patio, through the gap in the rear entrance, past the cloth curtains and up to a pile of dried brush, twigs and logs in the middle of the living room... next to the cloth couch.
A look around the property indicated that the house had been converted into some kind of rehab facility. It didn't take a fireman, or an evil boy scout, to figure out that whoever set that trail of dried brush and twigs up was hoping the house would burn down. Now whether it had been set up, by the homeowner, a disgruntled employee (current, or former), a paying "resident", or somebody else, who's to say? Our vote was for the homeowner trying to cash in on his insurance policy, but the D.A. isn't going to file attempted arson charges on that. So, we removed the brush, twigs and logs from the house patio and yard, left a note for the homeowner letting him know that somebody had carelessly left the rear door open and the wind had apparently blown some flammable materials into his home, so we had removed it. We also left a Polaroid of the flammable materials in the house, with the trail of brush leading out of the open door. We added that we would be giving some similar Polaroids to the fire investigators, just in case a similar "accident" occurred in the future.
We never got a, "Thank you", for saving his beautiful, ocean view home, but then, we rarely do.
Verdict – Mr./Mrs/Ms/ Fancy Schmancy Homeowner, the criminal court system might not look favorably on convicting, or even trying people, with only the facts provided here, but this court thrives on it. In this court, a mere whisper of a rumor is enough to get you dragged kicking and screaming before the judge. In fact, since the writer is also the judge, the writer's opinion is the only thing needed to convict you. And, in this writer's/judge's opinion, you have been Very naughty, verrrry naughty indeed. You are found guilty of Attempted Arson
Sentence – Mr./Mrs/Ms/ Fancy Schmancy Homeowner, the court sentences you to join the Boy Scouts, or Girl Scouts of America, your choice, until such time as you have earned your Fire Safety Merit Badge. You're also sentenced to never to be allowed to evacuate your home in case of a fire. In case of fire, you will be chained to your home. You want to live? Put the fire out yourself, you greedy asshole. Firefighters are issued a stay away order from your home. Oh! Just in time too! Fire season is upon us.
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