Case #1 - The People vs Jeff Fleming’s shame, his cousin, Scott Aikin (on AKA’s or what do Rocks and Boulderss think about? Nothing, apparently.)
When Big Scott Aikin got to Carson Sheriff's Station, he began earning nicknames faster than lightning can strike. Scott “The Rock” Aiken didn’t earn his nickname “The Rock” as a comparison to his muscles though. No, it was more of a comparison to his thinking and swimming abilities. On a summer river trip, “The Rock” almost drowned…while wearing a life preserver. In a panicked last ditch effort to retain buoyancy “The Rock” peeled off his rubber sandals and frantically threw them, as far away as he could, where they bobbed aimlessly on the water’s surface. Smart thinkin’ that was! Surprisingly, it didn’t help! Go figure. Luckily, "Pugsley", who also had the nickname, "Boulder", because he was shaped like one, was nearby on a jet ski. "Boulder" heard “The Rock’s” girlish squeals for help and rushed to the rescue. "Boulder" demonstrated the “Rescue Diver” skills, that he had recently earned from the Los Angeles Sheriff's Department, by immediately evaluating the situation and saving “The Rock’s” $1.99 floating flip flops. After verifying that no one else’s floating footwear was in distress, "Boulder" jetted over to “The Rock”, saving him in the nick of time. Wow. Just typing out the details has me in a dither. This incident earned “The Rock” a second nickname, “Lloyd”….as in Lloyd Bridges. You know, from “Seahunt”? Oh, and "Boulder", here’s a tip, in the phrase “ …to protect life, protect property and preserve the peace…”, “protect life”, is first for a reason.
One week after the river trip incident “Smilin’ Bob" Mittelbrun and I were trying to figure out which PM unit had logged on with shotgun #7, because we found it…uh, never mind why. Scott don’t need no “X” days (Unpaid days off), so we won’t go there. Anyway we discovered that no PM unit had taken shotgun #7. This was a puzzler. We knew someone had used shotgun #7 because we found it…oh yeah, that part’s a secret. Anyway we decided to check the vehicle inspection forms for the PM shift. Let’s see, there was #9, #23, #5, #L, #33, #.....Whoa there cowboy!, Back the wagon up! #L? Here’s a tip for you “Rock”, and all you little would be “Rocks”, all of our shotguns are numbered, not lettered. So the next time you get shotgun #L, or #b, turn it upside down.
VERDICT – Not Guilty By Reason Of Mental Incompetence.
When Big Scott Aikin got to Carson Sheriff's Station, he began earning nicknames faster than lightning can strike. Scott “The Rock” Aiken didn’t earn his nickname “The Rock” as a comparison to his muscles though. No, it was more of a comparison to his thinking and swimming abilities. On a summer river trip, “The Rock” almost drowned…while wearing a life preserver. In a panicked last ditch effort to retain buoyancy “The Rock” peeled off his rubber sandals and frantically threw them, as far away as he could, where they bobbed aimlessly on the water’s surface. Smart thinkin’ that was! Surprisingly, it didn’t help! Go figure. Luckily, "Pugsley", who also had the nickname, "Boulder", because he was shaped like one, was nearby on a jet ski. "Boulder" heard “The Rock’s” girlish squeals for help and rushed to the rescue. "Boulder" demonstrated the “Rescue Diver” skills, that he had recently earned from the Los Angeles Sheriff's Department, by immediately evaluating the situation and saving “The Rock’s” $1.99 floating flip flops. After verifying that no one else’s floating footwear was in distress, "Boulder" jetted over to “The Rock”, saving him in the nick of time. Wow. Just typing out the details has me in a dither. This incident earned “The Rock” a second nickname, “Lloyd”….as in Lloyd Bridges. You know, from “Seahunt”? Oh, and "Boulder", here’s a tip, in the phrase “ …to protect life, protect property and preserve the peace…”, “protect life”, is first for a reason.
One week after the river trip incident “Smilin’ Bob" Mittelbrun and I were trying to figure out which PM unit had logged on with shotgun #7, because we found it…uh, never mind why. Scott don’t need no “X” days (Unpaid days off), so we won’t go there. Anyway we discovered that no PM unit had taken shotgun #7. This was a puzzler. We knew someone had used shotgun #7 because we found it…oh yeah, that part’s a secret. Anyway we decided to check the vehicle inspection forms for the PM shift. Let’s see, there was #9, #23, #5, #L, #33, #.....Whoa there cowboy!, Back the wagon up! #L? Here’s a tip for you “Rock”, and all you little would be “Rocks”, all of our shotguns are numbered, not lettered. So the next time you get shotgun #L, or #b, turn it upside down.
VERDICT – Not Guilty By Reason Of Mental Incompetence.
I love this. It is so hilarious! Your sarcasm and wit just makes the story so much better.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much. I'm retired now, so now I just aim to amuse.
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