The Retired Cop

Case #47 – re The People vs Barry Shapiro ( Mr. Fantastic)      During his stint at Lomita Sheriff’s Station, Barry (the Ba is pronounced as in ‘bat’) Shapiro was able to earn a reputation as Mr. Fantastic. Not because he was such a great guy, which he is…NOT! If he was, they’d call him Mr. Great, which they don’t. And not because of the wonderful job he did as a Deputy Sheriff over there, which he did…NOT! If that was the case they would call him Mr. Wonderful, which they don’t. And not because he’s super-sensitive about any perceived slight, or criticism, which he is…really, he is. If that was the case they’d call him Mr. Super-Sensitive…oh wait, they did call him that.      Now they call him Mr. Fantastic, because of a little incident that occurred while he was dressing in the locker room. After struggling for 20 minutes to get his Sam Browne (gun belt) buckled, with frustratingly little success, Barry had decided to take 5 while he caught his breath...

Case #46 - re The People vs Jeff Fleming again (Is someone missing a fat white guy?)      A bunch of us were helping Jeff and the rest of the Carson Narco crew out on a warrant service. Entry had been made and everything was Code-4, or so we thought. I was standing on the front porch of the target location when a neighbor lady came running up to me all out of breath, “Deputy! Deputy!” “Yes Ma’am?” “One of the people you’re looking for ran out the back!” “What!”, I said. I was surprised, because the house had been surrounded when entry was made and nobody reported seeing anyone run out. “Are you sure?” “Yes! He jumped the wall into my backyard and my rottweiler went after him.”      I got on the radio and advised units that we had an outstanding suspect. At this moment Jeff Fleming came walking out of the house and stood by us. he was sweating and somewhat out of breath. That didn't really surprise me. At the time, Jeff was frickin massive and jus...

Case #45 - The People Vs Wayde Farrell (Reflecting Back on my First Shooting)      When I first joined the Los Angeles Sheriff's Department in 1985, I was living alone in an apartment in Long Beach, near 7th Street and Cherry Avenue.  Not the nicest part of town at the time.  It was a one bedroom, with a living room and a small kitchen.  The building itself was one story and my place was closest to the alleyway.      So one night I got off work and drove home.  All the lights in my place were off, because I left for work in the afternoon. I unlocked my front door, walked in and turned on the living room light. I walked across the living room to my bedroom door, which was directly across from the front door.  I opened the door and took one step inside.  Without turning on the light in the bedroom, I reached across my body and pulled my 6" Smith & Wesson .357 revolver from it's holster under my left arm.  I reached d...

Case #44 - The People vs Sarge (Alaska “Land of the Everlasting lyin’ Son-of-a-Bitch”)      In this particular case, the facts are disputed.  Therefore the accused will only be identified as "Sarge".  That may, or may not have been his rank at the time, but it flows better than Deputy and is easier to spell than the other ranks. The accused’s case will be presented first, by way of an e-mail he sent to the Carson Station scheduling office and which, somehow, found itself printed and in my station mailbox.  Again, I can't say for certain, this email wasn't edited before it was printed and delivered to me, but it sounds genuine enough to me and that's what counts.  The e-mail read as follows; “Dear Greg (Greg Arnold) and Oso (Greg Martinez),           My vacation in Alaska may be extended a few days, as I have broken my leg.  My wife and I were camping near Nome. In Alaska “near” translates to, “within 300 miles of”....

Case #43 - re Louis Suazo, Warren Fairbanks, Eugene Gaines, Michael Perea, and Cliff Jones vs Each Other (What did the Chinese guy say when the cop asked if he crashed his car? “Ahhh, no wrecks heah” (say it fast))      Several years ago, a few of the station fatties decided to have a contest to see who could lose the highest percentage of blubber. To make the contest interesting, they each put a hundred dollars into a “winner-take-all” kitty. There was Warren Fairbanks, Mike Perea, Eugene Gaines, Cliff Jones, and Louis Suazo. I understand there were some qualifying factors that contestants needed to meet in order to enter the contest. 1- If you always wear clean underwear, not so much out of a sense of personal hygiene, but more out of an ever increasing concern that if you bend over your pants might rip… you qualified. 2- If you ever called paramedics, because you were having sharp chest pains, and when the paramedics lifted one of your man-boobs to listen to your h...

35 Year Army Reunion      On the July 13th weekend, 2018, four people who had served together in the 103rd Military Intelligence Battalion, and, in fact, had been some of it's founding members, met together for the first time in 35 years.  They met in Las Vegas.  Those people were Steve "Bucky" White, Steve "Chip" Jordan, me And a guy who answers to a lot of names, which caused a debate as to what his name actually was, Chris "Gary" Figelski, who everyone simply called "Fig". There was a fifth person there for the reunion, that was "Bucky's" wife, the former Stella Carrillo.  She had also served in the 103rd M.I. Battalion, but she had arrived after "Fig", Chip" and I had left. Technically, there was a sixth person, my wife, Michelle, but she was sick with laryngitis and stayed mostly in the room, except for her "health walks" around the expensive stores at the Venetian Hotel.      So, I don...

Case #42 - re The People vs Wilbert Seelhorst ( A matter of perspective )      I was working with Wilbert Seelhorst one Day shift in 1989 or 1990.  It was the end of shift and we were heading into the station.  We decided to stop a car at Main and 192nd streets.  Wilbert was the bookman and I was the driver.  As our cars stopped, Wilbert bailed out and got up on the  passenger side using that patented strut of his.  He was leaning at an odd angle to his right, with his left shoulder raised, but tilted forward, left hand hanging in the air in front of his left hip. Right shoulder dropped, but tilted forward, because of the way he rested the back of his hand on his gun butt, with the top of the web of his hand on it, so his palm faced the sky.  On top of all that, every so often, his left shoulder would jerk upward as his head would jerk briefly down towards it. But this case isn’t about his oddball physical mannerisms.  Far be it f...

Case #41 - re The People vs Jeff Fleming #2 (A barfly, a deputy and a dozen friends named Jack)      Sometime in the early 1990s, Detective J.J. Johnson wanted his Carson station coworkers to meet his childhood friend.  So, he called his pal Darryl Strawberry and secured a bunch of tickets to a game when Darryl would be playing at Dodger Stadium.  After the game we met up at a nearby bar called The Shortstop.  I was the third one to arrive at The Shortstop.  Fast Eddie Brown and Jeff Fleming were there ahead of me.  And surprise, surprise, they had already started drinking.  Eddie Brown was trying his damnedest not to rip the felt on the pool table.  Jeff on the other hand was close to sealing the deal with a gal at  the bar.  He had both forearms crossed in front of him on the bar.  He was using them to prop his upper body up.  His head was drooped forward, hovering just above 11 empty shot glasses.  A gal on ...

Case #40 - The People vs Fozzy Bear aka Levi Strauss ( His parents had him for 23 years, I had him for 3 months, but I get the blame?)       This is about a nightmare I had that lasted a few months.  My neurologist says it may be the source of my seizures.  In the summer of 1991, or thereabouts, I was on the EM shift (graveyards) and had been assigned my third trainee.  I can’t recall his legal name, but his nickname was Fozzy Bear, because of his uncanny resemblance to the muppet character.  Now at the time he was an original.  Since that time there have been many imitators, but few that matched his…well I’m going to start cussing and I can feel my blood pressure rising, so I’m going to take a break. I’m back.  When I first got Fozzy Bear, it was a time when trainees generally wrote their reports while we drove and lived in fear of displeasing their training officers.  Sensitivity training, anger management, and cultural ...

This is a followup story to Case #38 Case #39 – The People vs O.S.S. (Above the law) (part 2 to Case #38)      After about 3 weeks worth of detective work, Jane Doe discovered that the windbreaker's not always greener on the other side. She pulled up stakes and jumped back into a radio car, leaving the O.S.S. spot to be filled again. Jorge Padilla got the call. Jorge was still in the Mexican version of a snit (una snita) over having been passed over for a newbie ruca in the first place. So he turned up his nose and said, “NO WAY, JOSE!”      Cliff Jones got the nod, but Cliff had just made training officer, and wanted to see if he was as good a coach as he was a player. The list was getting slim. After a coin toss, and then another coin toss, and another, all of which came up in Mike Gomez’ favor, the Captain saw it as a sign from God, that, on the fourth attempt, the coin fell in the toilet, so he reluctantly picked up his Magic 8-ball to choose Jane...