Case #46 - re The People vs Jeff Fleming again (Is someone missing a fat white guy?)

Case #46 - re The People vs Jeff Fleming again (Is someone missing a fat white guy?)

     A bunch of us were helping Jeff and the rest of the Carson Narco crew out on a warrant service. Entry had been made and everything was Code-4, or so we thought. I was standing on the front porch of the target location when a neighbor lady came running up to me all out of breath,
“Deputy! Deputy!”
“Yes Ma’am?”
“One of the people you’re looking for ran out the back!”
“What!”, I said. I was surprised, because the house had been surrounded when entry was made and nobody reported seeing anyone run out.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes! He jumped the wall into my backyard and my rottweiler went after him.”

     I got on the radio and advised units that we had an outstanding suspect. At this moment Jeff Fleming came walking out of the house and stood by us. he was sweating and somewhat out of breath. That didn't really surprise me. At the time, Jeff was frickin massive and just breathing caused him to sweat and run out of breath.
“Why doesn’t anyone ever think to open the windows to let some cool air into these houses?” I thought to myself as I looked at the sweat stains on Jeff’s yellow T-shirt and the sweat pouring from under his red baseball cap.
“What’s going on?” Jeff asked me.
“The neighbor lady says she saw a guy jump her wall when we hit the house.” I told him. I turned back to the lady,
“So what did the guy you saw look like Ma’am?”
“Well he was a fat white guy, about 5’08” or so…”
“We’re looking for a fat male White, about 5’ 08”.”, I advised on the radio.
"Reeeally fat", she whispered.
"Really fat", I advised. I looked at Jeff. Since it was his warrant, maybe he would know the guy from the description.... Nothing.
“What was he wearing Ma’am?,”
“Well he was wearing a red baseball cap, he had a goatee, he had a yellow shirt and long black shorts.”
“Okay, the outstanding suspect has a red baseball cap, a goatee…” I looked at Jeff to see if it was ringing any bells with him. I continued to give the description and, as I did, a realization was dawning on me,
“…a yellow... T…shirt….black…shorts….”
I unkeyed the mike as my voice trailed off and stared at Jeff in his red baseball cap, goatee, yellow shirt and long black shorts. Jeff nodded,
“Yeah…", he panted, "It was me.”
I keyed the mike,
“10-22 (cancel) the info on the outstanding suspect.”

     The lady shrugged her shoulders and left. I turned to Jeff for an explanation.
“I thought I heard something in the yard next door and went to look. This big fuckin’ rottweiler came after me and I had to hop on top of a tin shed to get away. I just got down and ...HEY!... The fat guy description really hurt!”

Verdict – Jeff Fleming, this Court finds you Guilty of Being A Fat Bastard.

Sentence – You are in danger of becoming Oso’s Mini-me. Three stripes and you'll be the station's official Fat Sam (fattest sgt.). Therefore the Court issues the following order,
You are ordered to lay off fast food, snack food, fried food and desserts,
food in a can, food in a wrapper, food that stops you from using the crapper,
food with dye and any food that makes your cholesterol high.
Mexican food cause you’ll make us all cry.
You are, however allowed to eat Thai.
Ice cream? NO! Donuts? NO! Just try to eat things that make your ass blow.
Mexican’s out, Italian’s out and don’t even think of sauerkraut!
Taco Bell? OUT! Carl’s? OUT! Only food that cleans your colon out.
Try lettuce and fish and you’ll be fine.
That’s the end of this Court ordered rhyme!