The Retired Cop

Case #51 - re The People vs Chester Mitchell (Foghorn Leghorn) This week I pay tribute to one of my favorite bosses.  Chester Mitchell passed away in August.      In the early to mid ‘90’s we had Sgt Chester Mitchell on the EM shift (Graveyards).  He was a well liked supervisor, who spoke like, sounded like and was therefore nicknamed Foghorn Leghorn.  While we liked working for Sgt Mitchell, he had one quirk.  If we fucked up he might write us up, but no matter what we did, he would never write us a commendation.  When asked why, his reply would always be along the lines of, “Boy, Ah say boy, ya jest did wha’ cha s’posed ta do!  What the hail should Ah give ya’ all a commendation for?”      The other shift Sgt’s would write a guy up because a citizen called up and said, “Deputy Soandso smiled at me and I thought that was very nice.” That was an actual Dayshift commendation!  But on EM shift, if you ran across a 211 in progress and caught all the bad guys, Chester’s response

Case #50– The People vs Mark Wedel (Boss Rhino comes clean)      Mark Wedel became a Training Officer sometime in about late 1987, or early 1988. As he hit the backdoor, at the end of shift, his unmistakeable voice could often be heard, yelling out, “Well that was a fuckin’ waste of time! GeezisfockinCrist!” This outburst was to indicate he had another statless night. This exclamation was a transparent and, in the end, vain attempt to head off the inevitable looks of disdain that would come his way from the other black-gloved, sap toting, training officers, especially Vic Rodriguez and Keith Kodera, who kept track of who booked, and who didn’t. This hope was always dashed, as they glared at him and shook their heads, letting him know he had fallen short of T.O. standards once again. (By the way, back then, only felony hooks and guns counted as a stat). Occasionally, he did luck into a hook, at which time he was less loquacious in his announcement of his good fortune, but more polit

Case #49 - The Infant Vs Sgt. Lena Moreno (beauty and the feast)      On December 30, 2013, Wayde Farrell and Steve Nemeth arrested two dirtbag parents for burglary and transported them to the station for booking. They also transported their 8 month old baby and 2 yr old toddler to the station to be picked up by the Department of Children's Services. While Nemeth booked the parents, some of the station ladies assisted Farrell in tending to the little kids. The ladies included Mary Acosta, Julie MacAleer, Diane Gallegos, and Ms. Brazile Their assistance was a wee late as the 8 month old had already peed on Farrell's thigh, but better late than never.      The older child was no problem and was easily entertained after a diaper change. The younger child was quite a bit fussier and his caterwauling was non-stop. Mary tried to feed him, Julie changed him and tried to feed him, Diane tried to soothe him, Ms. Brazile tried singing to him and Farrell offered to let the baby chew

Case #48 - re The People vs Craig “Biscuits” Roberts (The heart attack and the interior design consultant )      In the early 90’s, Craig Roberts (aka "Biscuits") and I were working 162 Earlies. We got a rescue call of a woman not breathing in the area of 121st Street and Avalon Boulevard. When we got to the house, the woman’s boyfriend directed us inside and said the woman was in the bathroom. We went to the bathroom, opened the door, looked inside, and saw the extremely large woman sitting naked on the toilet, apparently dead. The foul odor caused by her final bowel movement forced us to back quickly out with our eyes watering and our stomachs churning. “Hooooly Shit!!!!”, gasped, "Biscuits". “Nothin’ Holy about that, pal!”, I replied.      I then took a deep breath and headed back in for seconds. She was a BIG woman, around 5’10” and 280 lbs, staring up at the ceiling with her legs splayed out. The toilet was FILLED with her final bowel movement. Heaven won’

An elephant, a foggy night, a senior prank and a followup prank that ran for 41 years As a senior prank, our high school had a tradition of stealing the statue from in front of the local “Bob’s Big Boy” restaurant and putting it in our school. In my senior year, I guess the manager at the restaurant had gotten tired of it, so he had that statue chained down to it’s pedestal with heavy duty chains. My friends and I were sitting around at lunch discussing that turn of events and I suggested we head down to the Long Beach Pike and steal one of their fiberglass elephants and put it in the school. The Pike was sort of a poor man’s Disneyland with carnival rides that were about the quality you would see at the County Fair. Several of us agreed to a plan and several others realized they had homework to do that night, or something. So on the set night, the 8 of us, who had agreed to the plan, met up at the school and convoyed to the Long Beach Pike. It turned out the rock band UFO (t